Wednesday, December 30 DAY 60 without jerome lee
54 days to go.

i just randomly saw the profile of this blog.
milly ng.
15

but i am now 17.
and here i am.
standing at the exact same spot where i used to be 2 years ago.
here without jer.

maybe i have faced up to reality.
i keep looking through the things we used to have with each other.
the conversations we had.
the posts we blogged.
the things he gave me.
the things he did for me..
and i really really saw the light.
i really saw how lucky i was.
how blissful i was
but i was blind to it all in the past.
i knew i was lucky to have him
but i didnt know, i was that lucky.
i knew i was happy with him.
but i didnt know, i ought to be so much more happier.
i thought i cherished him.
but i just didnt.

reflecting upon this relationship we had,
i really see myself maturing in my thoughts.
how i just wish,
you would be the one to witness the changed me.
how i just wish,
i could really be given a chance to show that i will really really really cherish this time round.
how i wish,
i could be given the chance to make it all back up to you.
but i dont think i'll ever have this chance again.

at least,
you'll be happier this way i suppose.
having me this irritant out of your life.

i am trying hard.
trying real hard.