Friday, December 25 DAY 55 without jerome lee.
(59 days to go.)


day out with sam and shuen today.
really made me miss you so so much
they were so loving.
each time we sat at a four table seat,
both of them would sit opposite me
with me sitting alone on one side.
wishing you were there on that empty seat with me.
i never got to spend any of the last 3 christmases with you.
and each christmas,
i really felt i lost you.
but this year,
its even more real.
you said it to me loud and clear,
you dont love me anymore.
i just got to wake up from my fairyland.
and to accept i've lost you.

went to the sky garden at vivo city today.
and i recalled the time we were there like a few years back.
you said to me.
it was so romantic that we got to sit there together,
to admire the nice scenery and the ocean.
i also remembered,
how i couldnt bear to leave that place when the time was getting late.
we enjoyed each other's presence so much.
we took a picture there.
a picture which has always been in my wallet.
the picture of the puzzle of us i gave you 2 years ago for your birthday.
sigh.
how i wish,i could spend my everyday with you happily and blissfully
i would really want to spend christmas with you.
sam and shuen quarrelled today.
over something very minor
and i suddenly taught back of us.
how we used to be.

they were deciding to eat between carls junior or long john silver.
and i thought to myself.
why everything has to got to be somewhere that brings back so many memories with you.
but then,
it came to me that we spent 3 years together.
it is no lie, that you had became a big part of me.
we went through just so many things,
did so many things together,
that it is no surprise that so many things will remind me of you.
i really hope we could continue this path we've chosen.
but you've given up walking on.
i tried pulling you to move on.
but i guess, i'm just not strong enough.
hias..
why did you have to go.
why do you no longer bother about me..
why is it,
everything can just change totally over 2 months.
a love we've built over 3 years,
can be crushed over merely days..
can be forgotten so easily?
hias.
i dont want to be a nuisance to you..
so i decided to type what i wanna say to you here,
where you'll nv visit anymore..
this is a place,
filled with all our memories.
a place i'll never want to forget.
a place i'll never forget.

you were my pillar of strength
and when you were gone,
my life just came crushing down.

i'm willing to wait for you
but are you willing to let me wait for you?
you'll never come back to me.
there are just so many better girls out there.
who am i.
i am nothing but just a memory to you...
hias..
i really regret everything i did.
i really regret losing you.
i really regret everything.
all i ask for is just 1 more chance to make things right..
hias.
i dont even deserve that.